Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
