Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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