can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
