wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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