I think i sorta joined a cult last night
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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