Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
