Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
