We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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