hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
