i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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