we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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