shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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