I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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