if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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