One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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