i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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