he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize