I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
