Whod you bang
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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