I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
