If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
