Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
