Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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