So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
