he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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