she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
