He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
