yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
