I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
