Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Randomize
