We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
