I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
