We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
