I want to have your abortion
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
