I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
