I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We left the knife in your bed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
