I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
