I think my fart just growled at me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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