i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
