Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
