Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
