happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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