Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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