yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
