my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
