there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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