I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
They have beer where we have blood.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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