I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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