we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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