You're so nebulous sometimes
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
