So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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