only if we run a train.
done.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
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Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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