the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
