P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
