So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im having a threesome with these popsicles
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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