Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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