so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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