Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
