We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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