bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i think my cat just said my name.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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