i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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