just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize