I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
