Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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