i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
