Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want nice things and good sex
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
