help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
